My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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