please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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