After last night, I could never be a politician.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
