He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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