Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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