Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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