my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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