her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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