We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
