did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
