It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
