If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
