what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
