he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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