Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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