I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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