They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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