Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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