so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
