I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
