Please, let me fuck your mom
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
