Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
