no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
