even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
