you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
