Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
