We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
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So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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