I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize