I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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