oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
