Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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