I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
