YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
