Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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