It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Can i not drive my cunt home
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
