oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
