Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
