I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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