What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
