butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Couch. On fire.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
