just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
