She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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