Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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