The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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