rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
