i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize