thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
