I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
