just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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