hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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