I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
