My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
