So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She even gives head with a lisp.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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