Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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