Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
