he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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