Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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