bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Text me some of your sweat
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