OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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