In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
