Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
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Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize