I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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