the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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