Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
