look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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