He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
