He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
